i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize