Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
