it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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