I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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