I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
