theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
