when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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