i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
