I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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