Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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