U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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