Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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