he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
