I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize