Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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