I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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