Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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