She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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