aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
