I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
