This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i will never coherently bang her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am naked and annoyed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
