New invention idea: vibrating tampons
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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