when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
