Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
