I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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