Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
