I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
