another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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