he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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