I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
