I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
