Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
