I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
