did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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