i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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