I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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