I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
