Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
