i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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