She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's like heaven, but drunker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
