just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
