Moan for me like Helen Keller
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
