he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
