I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
