and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
