sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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