A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My ass is underappreciated
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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