those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
