omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
