I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
