I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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