Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
