"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
