I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize