i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize