i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
