first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
as a side note pls kill me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
