he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
