Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
