would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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