I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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