Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
