Define "chronic" masturbator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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