where am i from again
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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