Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
