Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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