She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize