I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
