i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
