Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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