You really coming over, don't trick.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
