Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
