You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
