The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
