Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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