loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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