Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize