Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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