My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
