i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
