haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize