I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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