No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
