you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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