A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
