Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
