Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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