I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
