Your dad touched me again.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
