You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
