hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
