i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
