oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
