No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
