Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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